Together again: Women take care of dying exes

When Terry DeMeo moved back to Florida four-and-a-half years ago, she never dreamed she’d be moving back into her ex-husband’s life.


“We went through a bitter divorce 25 years ago after he left me with a nursing baby and a toddler,” said DeMeo, a 63-year-old personal and professional development coach from Miami. “It was very traumatic for me and I was angry for two full decades. But when I came back and saw him, it was hard to stay angry.”
It wasn’t Cupid that was responsible for DeMeo’s change of heart. It was cancer â€" in particular, the neuro-endocrine cancer that had left her ex-husband, Bruce J. Winick, nearly blind and in dire need of help. Despite their combative past, DeMeo set aside her bitterness and offered her ex whatever assistance she could, a decision she calls “one of the most profound and wisest things I’ve ever done.”
DeMeo is one of a growing number of divorced woman to come to the aid of a severely ill or dying ex-husband, according to reports by hospice workers and other health care providers.
But while divorced women caring for former spouses may be becoming more commonplace, the reasons behind the trend are as complex as the machinations of love itself, according to a new, small study released by the University of Missouri.
The study, which focused on 10 divorced women who had become caregivers for their ex-husbands, found that the women were spurred by a host of motivations, including altruism, guilt, and, perhaps most important, the need to protect their children.
According to DeMeo, her children's feelings were definitely part of her motivation for participating in her former husband’s care.

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